Teachers’ New Year’s Resolutions

Over winter break, the Gilman Snooze reached out to several teachers to hear their New Year’s resolutions for 2026. Here are some answers from the teachers who responded to our questions:

Sr. Duncan:  “I hope to add more keys to my key ring and buy a megaphone to increase my vocal capabilities when asking students to remove their feet from coffee tables.”

Ms. Oster: “I’d like to get in contact with Mr. Smyth to create a new, third block, so students have more time in seminar.

Mr. Ledyard: “I bought this new AI audio recorder so that at the end of every assembly, I can perfectly and concisely rephrase the morals of each speaker before I release students to blocks. I don’t expect AI will change the way my announcements sound. I hope to do this every assembly.”

Chef X: “My goal is to decrease the rate at which we cook food to increase the time students have to chit-chat in the lunch lines.”

Mr. Bowmaster: “I bought this Gen Z lingo book, and I plan to read a page a day to stay hip. I mean, I’m a young cool teacher right?…You guys, like, relate to me, I’m not mid, I’m a sigma?”

Mr. Smyth: “I want to learn how to tie a real tie. I’ve had to wear bowties all these years because I don’t know how to tie a real one, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask.”

Mr. Rowell: “I’m hoping to secure the rights to Stuhlgang Im Badezimmer Im Dritten Stock, a famous musical first put on by Dr. Fritz Fuchshimmel, to perform next spring. It is famous, yet not a single person alive has ever heard or seen it. Dr. Cletenvinger Schliser died right after he wrote it, but I know it is a masterpiece and the Gilman community will love it.”
Ms. Lincoln: “I’ve been working on getting a grant for a truth serum approved for the Honor Council. The UN Human Rights Council has condemned the science, but if I get it passed, big things are going to happen around here. Big things.”