Sunscreen Bandits Sit-in

It has not taken long for chaos to strike the Gilman campus. On the very first day of school, faculty and parents are infuriated by the actions of a certain group of juniors. On August 27, 2025, four juniors and one teacher were reported absent by Ms. Kimberly Hammer, but absent they were not. Tommy Malfa ‘27, Drew Klein ‘27, Sawyer Peck ‘27, Cooper Haney ‘27, and Señor Ismael Leon had barricaded themselves inside the Gilman pool. In the first hours, their intentions were unclear, and the SNOOZE investigative team, along with many bystanders, assumed that this was some attempt at a political protest. It was not until Mr. Henry P. A. Smyth sent a negotiator, Mr. Brian Ledyard, to investigate their motives that they announced they were protesting “Back to School.” While initially confused about what this meant, it did not take long for the group to fully convey their message. Chants and shouts could be heard through the walls. “See ya later Smyth,” or on the more aggressive side, “Go Back, Go Back, Gouline go back!” Some also claimed to hear a much quieter chant of “Viva el Verano,” which was not yet confirmed by our team.

By hour three, a mix of Hawaiian and Reggae music could be heard on the loudspeaker. This “inconsiderately loud music,” as Mr. Smyth called it, elevated the Gilman administrative team's actions to the next level. Trying to take back his pool, Gilman’s Aquatics Director, Mr. Vaughan Smith, unleashed spy cameras under the crack in the door to receive visuals on the encampment. This was in an attempt to better understand what they were up against, but it did not provide much assistance. Mr. Smith stated, “All we could see was Tommy Malfa attempting to sunbathe on a beach chair; he had a reflector and tanning lotion.” He also remarked that Sr. Leon was seen floating on a yellow rubber ducky float in the pool and how the group had blocked the doors: one comically large beach chair. At this time, the Gilman administration decided to let them be, stating, “They won't last long, they only have enough mocktail ingredients for 2 days!”

Mr. Smith, also the head water polo coach, along with Ms. Devina Bhalla, assistant coach, expressed extreme concern regarding the encampment, with Mr. Smith stating, “We need to practice. We don’t have time for these shenanigans.” To the disappointment of both the water polo coaches and the Gilman administration, the encampment prevailed.

By day two, 30 hours into their protest, a new face took a stand. Mr. William McCall, first-year Penn fellow, used his advantage of being an unknown face to the students to infiltrate the encampment. Once allowed in, Mr. McCall started slowly, creating a weak point in the blockade that could allow SWAT to enter. Then, the SWAT team stormed the pool, but they were unable to apprehend the group. “They were so slippery, sunscreen and tanning lotion everywhere," one scarred team member recalled. The members of the encampment were last seen scurrying to the lower lot, where they all got into a VW bus and drove away.

Do not fret, the SNOOZE investigative team will do its best to keep you, the reader, informed on the latest update on the Sunscreen Bandits, as they have asked to be called. Stay tuned.