Cameron’s Column

Cabot White ‘26 is the subject of The News’ seventh Cameron’s Column.

John: What does Chipotle mean to you? 

Cabot: I don’t like that question because I think Chipotle is very overrated. I don’t have it more than once every two weeks. I know how students feel about York Road Chipper, but honestly, places like Timonium Chipper are way more generous. Chipotle really isn’t anything too exciting to me. 

John: What’s the best Christmas present you’ve ever gotten? 

Cabot: I kind of had a good and a bad Christmas present once. I got this giant human sized teddy bear. He was from Santa. And I loved it. I named him Whobers. Some nights, I even slept on the floor with him a couple nights. Then a few days later at the grocery store, I saw Whobers in the checkout aisle, in a shopping cart. Life was never the same. 

John: What’s the most special kiss you've had in your life? 

Cabot: That’s a little personal for Cameron’s Column! 

John: What are Colton Danielczyk’s main weaknesses? 

Cabot: I mean, he’s pretty uncoordinated and top heavy. You really just need to shoot for the legs. A big tree always falls hard.  

John: How would you describe a Lumen Center sloppy joe to an alien?

Cabot: It’s likely identical to the food they eat

John: Do you support demolishing the Lower School to build a Temu factory worked by the outplaced lower schoolers? 

Cabot: No because I don’t really believe in child labor. But how much profit are we talking? 

John How old were you when you stopped Trick-or-Treating? 

Editor’s note: At this point in the interview, Cabot attempted to convince me that he does not still go trick-or-treating, but the truth eventually prevailed. 

John: What emotions do you feel while eating Clark Burger? 

Cabot: Think about the scene in Ratatouille, where he mixes the cheese and the bread to create the perfect flavor. All types of different colors flow in my head…the Clark sauce, the burger, the homemade fries…  

John: To what extent are you satisfied with Mr. Ledyard’s post assembly announcements? 

Cabot: At this point, I hope he just keeps them going. It’s really just the same thing every day by now. “Alright guys, on that note, have a good rest of your day.” (Cabot exclaimed in Mr. Ledyard’s speech pattern). 

John: Who in the senior class would you sacrifice to aliens, if you had to choose? 

Cabot: I’d say Austin Athanas. He’d fit right in! 

John: How would you respond if trolls and gnomes disabled your car's defibrillator?

Cabot: I’d ask my dad to fix it, but I wouldn’t choose to retaliate. Gnomes and trolls are scary. They’d beat me with their little weapons. 

John: What makes your week? 

Cabot: Showers after morning lifts. 

John: What doesn’t make your week? 

Cabot: Alarms before morning lifts. 

John: Would you rather save Bo Vaughn from a pack of orangutans or win $50,000?

Cabot: $50,000. I don’t think Bo Vaughn is worth near $50,000. 

John: What does Gilman mean to you? 

Cabot: Gilman is a very special place that I will never forget! I will remember high school forever.