By Nick Lutzky

Problematic Manifesto Suggests Surveillance State at Gilman

Have you ever sent a mean email about a classmate, teacher, or assistant water polo coach? Have you ever searched something salacious with your Google account or on Gilman Wi-fi? Have you ever written the f-word on Google Docs, just to see what it feels like? If so, the Gilman Technology office has seen it. That’s right, they know, and boy, are they disappointed in you. 

The technology office sees all. 2024? Our school prefers to turn our futures back fifty years to 1984. The Orwellian panopticon of the Tech Office has access to anything and everything ever written, searched, or viewed on a Gilman Network or Gilman account. When you become a Gilman student, you also agree to turn over your data whenever using a Gilman school account, or accessing the web on Gilman Wi-Fi. If you look something up on Incognito Mode, they can still see it. If you delete your search history, they can still see it. Even if you destroy your computer with a rock, they can still see your data. 

Naturally, the tech office spends every waking moment surveilling us, as is the best use of their time and jobs. Employees of the technology office, or technocrats, often work through lunch poring over search history logs and reading coworkers' emails. In a leaked manifesto, one Gilman Deskside Support Center Analyst described never sleeping, eating, or blinking on the job to maximize surveillance time. He apparently works arduous 23-hour days, only taking breaks to do laundry and work on his math rock opera, Ctrl C Ctrl V, You Can’t Control Me.

In the same manifesto, he continued, “I work tirelessly until the Gilman Network is safe from maldoers. Only then may I rest. You see, fear is a tool. It's a big school, and I can't be everywhere. But they don’t know where I am. This school… they think I'm hiding behind [internet] security… but I am security.” He went on to praise his role models Henry Kissinger and the monkey from Toy Story 3. “I’m always watching,” he scribbled, “even when I’m not.”

Like it or not, you are being followed. Every waking moment of your life at Gilman School, Big Brother is watching over your digital shoulder, and they are not happy. They know when you play 2048 in class. They know when you use SparkNotes in lieu of assigned reading. 

This should strike fear into all of you. Today they read our emails; who knows what they do tomorrow? Microchips? Thought Police? Our Civil Liberties are being curbed, and we as students must demand this suffering end! This is not Socialist Sweden, and we are not mindless drones to be controlled!

So, what can we do? 

I call upon all Gilman students to break free from the shackles of the Technology office. Working students of the world have nothing to lose but their chains, and we must unite! In past years, writers like Comrade Zach Minkin ‘24 suggested destroying our computers and cell phones in order to prevent school surveillance. While I agree with the intent, destroying our technology is no longer viable. They can still see our logs and will still have access to their data in their school supercomputers.  

Sometimes the best thing to do is the worst thing you can think of. Therefore, the best way to surf the Web is with reckless abandon. Internet security can be complicated, so in times of doubt, I encourage you to look toward the most technologically illiterate people in our lives: the elderly. 

I will leave you with this: when making decisions on the Web, ask yourself, WWGD: What would Grandma Do?