Survey Conducted at 2025 Gilman Graduation Concludes it Was the Longest Graduation Ever

According to a recent survey of attendees of Gilman’s 2025 Graduation, the 128th Founders Day was the longest in the school’s history. While none of those surveyed knew exactly how long the celebration lasted for, the survey collected by Mr. Brook’s statistics class revealed that 100% of attendees responded they were certain that it had to have been the longest one yet. Even those who had not previously attended a Gilman graduation reported that they found it hard to believe that any other Founders Day had lasted that long.

The statistics collected at the graduation tell the story. Students reported that, on average, their grade was three times larger than they remembered. According to student body president Frank Scilliano ‘25, “I thought I knew everyone in our grade, but when they were giving out diplomas, I swear there were like at least 30 more guys than I remembered.” Classmate Lucas Carrión-Mong ‘25 agreed, saying, “I thought processing in would take just a minute or two, but guys just kept coming and coming. Some of them had to be fake students. I didn’t even recognize a few.”

Figures estimate that most younger siblings began using their phones after approximately 13 minutes of acting like they cared about their siblings’ graduation for their parents, and parents stopped caring about siblings using their phones after about 15 minutes. By the end of graduation, roughly 58% of grandparents had reported falling asleep at one point, and almost 80% had spent some time on the New York Times Games. Even on stage, 67% of students confirmed that they had conversations during the speeches despite spending the first five minutes trying to look like they were paying attention. 

The Gilman Snooze also collected several first-hand accounts of the 128th Founders Day, discussing what made it the longest yet. According to one anonymous sibling, “Each time Johnny Li took a pause, I thought he was finally done with his speech, but then he just turned the page and kept talking.” One grandparent noted, “When Mr. Smyth noted that there were descriptions for the awards in our programs, I quickly read through them. I didn’t realize that he was going to read out every single one.” Ms. Sherry Schmidt, the Upper School’s new librarian, asked the Snooze, “Am I really going to have to sit through one of these every year? Well, at least they can’t get longer, right?”

The Gilman Snooze will not conduct another survey next year to see if the results were accurate because our writers have threatened to strike if they are forced to sit through another graduation. That being said, all of our writers in attendance agreed that their assessment of the ceremony had to have been correct.