Gilman Athletic’s New Bling

First impressions have always been a point of emphasis of Gilman. From mastering the handshake to practicing college interviews, Gilman understands the importance of a strong first impression. One member of the Gilman community who turned heads this summer was new varsity soccer coach Mickey Watson. On August 15th, the date of Gilman Soccer’s first home game of the year, Coach Watson’s footsteps rang throughout the athletic center as he strutted down the hallways in his freshly shined loafers. His formal outfit was complemented by a dark blue suit and tie. Quickly, people took notice of Coach Watson’s spiffy outfit.

Julian Holub ‘28 reportedly asked, “Are the Deans making him do this?” Soccer Captain John Cameron ‘26 told the Snooze, “If this is any indication of our season, we better be getting new jerseys too.” Upper School Dean Mr. Coles was quoted as saying, “Oooh I like his outfit, maybe some more changes to the dress code are needed,” to which Cian Connolly ‘27 responded, “Jesus Christ.”

In particular, other fall coaches took note of Coach Watson’s classy outfit, and some have tried to emulate his level of elegance. Questionably, water polo coach Vaughan Smith has been spotted wearing full 3-piece suits to his practices. Senior team member Hayden Dodge ‘26 told the Snooze, “I get what he’s trying to do, but by the fifth minute of the practice, he is completely soaked through. Jos. A Bank needs to start making polyester outfits.” 

Some coaches have taken a different approach to classing up their teams. Volleyball coach Diego Matorras was spotted having the team managers dress like Victorian-era butlers and bring the team their Gatorade water bottles on silver platters during games. The Football team has been instructed to ask their opponents politely if they may tackle them before making a play on the field, a move expected to generally not change the outcome of Gilman football games. The cross country team has been the only team seemingly unaffected by the increase in athletic refinement around campus due to a phenomenon within the team’s coaching staff. According to senior runner Jack Mashaw ‘26, “Coach Duncan [is] running the team how he damn well pleases.”

It is unclear if these culture shifts will alter Gilman’s athletic success, but winter athletes have been reported conspiring to tank the fall teams in order to prevent this trend from continuing past the season.