FOCUS Conclave Elects 10th Consecutive American Leader

GILMAN—Throngs of Gilman students could be heard cheering throughout Carey Hall as white smoke billowed out of Centennial Hall’s chimney last Tuesday morning. Students had been waiting for days as the highest-ranking members of Gilman’s Christian Bible study, FOCUS, convened in their annual conclave to elect their next leader. The members of the club had been isolated from all contact with the outside world to prevent external interference in their process. The only exception to this rule was the club’s daily Chick-fil-A deliveries obtained via Doordash drivers sworn to secrecy. Many potential candidates were discussed in connection with new leadership. Some believed that Gilman FOCUS might see its first-ever junior club leader, while others favored a less radical choice and instead hoped for an established Christian on campus.

Ultimately, after much speculation and even more apathy, Mr. Hudson emerged from Centennial Hall and announced to the crowd, “Habemus Greyhound!” Fortunately, Ms. Miller, the head of the classics department, was there to translate the phrase: “We have a Greyhound!” As students cheered, current junior Jackson Armacost ‘26 emerged from the room, waving to his fellow students and trying to string together any Italian he knew. In his opening remarks, Armacost made it clear that he plans to maintain the club’s goals of aiding the suffering, the downtrodden, and the juniors who have history at Bryn Mawr. While the pick surprised many, FOCUS experts agree that it was a more diplomatic choice. Armacost is expected to utilize his connections with the Mock Trial club and Greyhound TV to solidify club messaging and spread the word of Christ. There was some speculation about what new name Armacost would take as leader of the religious group, but that discussion ended quickly after one student pointed out that that would be a really dumb idea.

Leaders around the school shared their reactions to the selection with the Snooze. In an official statement, the Mock Trial club said, “As long as he keeps showing up to our meetings, we’re cool with it.” When reached for comment, Barbecue Club President Michael Edwards ‘25 told the Snooze, “Why are you asking us? We’re the barbecue club.” Jackson’s younger brother Cooper Armacost ‘28 had mixed feelings about his brother taking the helm of the Christian group, saying, “FOCUS? What is that? Some kind of robotics thing?” 

The long-term effects of this selection are yet to be seen and will likely never be seen due to the fact that it is a one-year appointment, but the Snooze will continue to hold our school’s leadership accountable, even if that leadership is backed by God.