Mr Smythe’s Bid for Power Grows

The start of each academic year at Gilman brings a series of events and traditions. One of the most prominent is the opening-day convocation, which commences with the Seniors walking out to Brown Field hand in hand with the Kindergarten class. The tradition is for Head of the School, Mr. Henry P.A. Smyth, to deliver an opening speech to the school. This year, however, he was nowhere to be seen on the morning of the convocation. 

The Gilman Snooze has gathered a group of elite, crime-solving students from Ms. Dimenna's forensics class to help investigate his unusual disappearance. Seniors Keating Hoffman '27, Derrick Alexander '27, Cooper Haney '27, and Sam Brody '27 decided to interview Mr. Smyth himself. During the interview, he mentioned a strange last-minute delay issued by Middlebury College, where Mr. Smyth’s son will be attending this fall, reportedly moving the first day of their school year back three weeks to the day of Gilman’s opening Convocation.

The investigators sensed something was off. They set up stations and began investigating Mr. Smyth and his habits, trying to uncover the truth. They learned that most days he walks his dog five times, practices tying his bow ties, unicycles, spectates the upper school assembly where he gives an occasional reminder to "say hey", and plays 2v2 mini-hoop basketball alongside Mr. Ledyard against Mr. Molina and Coach Mickey in the conference room.

While investigating, they happened to walk past the News' Faculty representative, Mr. Smythe, and noticed an official-looking document under his chair titled "Wahoo Manifesto." Readers of the News will recall Thomas Bozzuto's '27 Spring 2026 Snooze article about Mr. Smythe's plan to take over Mr. Smyth's position as headmaster of the Gilman School. What began as a joke had apparently awakened something far more sinister. 

Among other proclamations, the plan explains how Mr. Smythe reportedly offered D-3 Middlebury $2.7 million in NIL deals to move Freshman Orientation back several weeks with an eye towards giving the opening convocation speech himself. Though Mr. Smythe's carefully orchestrated coup was foiled when Assistant Head of School Mr. Michael Molina was slotted to give the speech instead, the recovered document also outlines plans for Gilman to adopt a number of practices that appear to come from the University of Virginia, Mr. Smythe’s alma mater. 

Of central importance was the importance of the honor pledge. Interestingly, our team uncovered exact quotes from Thomas Bozzuto’s article on honor in Smythe’s manifestos. Some commentators have pointed to the new Conscientious Retraction Form, derived from none other than the University of Virginia, as evidence of an impending takeover of the Honor Council by Smythe.

Smythe's Manifesto also details construction plans for the new wooden flooring on Carey Hall's terrace level, including orange-and-blue furniture in the Junior Common Room and a new Cavalier-themed lower-school playground.

The News has also uncovered that News stalwarts Cooper Haney '27 and Sam Brody '27 have had a change of heart and decided to apply early decision to the University of Virginia. Lastly, the Snooze received an anonymous tip that the Cum Laude Society be renamed the Jefferson Scholars.