A Communist is Among Us

As spring approaches, one question remains to be answered. Is Bo Vaughn secretly feeding information to the Communist Party?

As many students may know from their studies in history class, communism grew exponentially popular in Soviet Russia under the leadership of Joseph Stalin. In a recent interview with Bo Vaughn, The News asked him several questions to try to learn more about his possible connections to the Bolshevik ideology. The interview went as follows:

Interviewer: Bo Vaughn, do you own any hammers?

Vaughn: Yes.

Interviewer: Any sickles?

Vaughn: No.

Interviewer: Do you think it would be cool to own a sickle?

Vaughn: Yes, I think it would be frickin’ rad.

Interviewer: Bo Vaughn, what is the first color that comes to your mind?

Vaughn: Red.

On the Soviet Union’s flag are both a hammer and a sickle, and the two objects are sitting atop a background of bright red. The evidence could not be more clear that Bo Vaughn is emphatic about Communism.

On top of this information, Bo’s connections to China, one of the five remaining communist states today, point to his love of communism. At a dinner held for Gilman donors in the fall, Bo Vaughn was part of a student panel that spoke at the event. During the panel, the students were asked questions about Gilman, and when asked about his favorite Gilman class, Bo snatched the microphone, quickly responding that Chinese at RPCS has been at the top of his list. 

Moreover, Bo Vaughn is also known for having an elite necktie collection. Among these ties is one which is filled with smiling pandas, an animal native only to China. Why else would Bo wear such a garment if not to pledge his support to the Chinese Communist Party? What is more, Bo is hoping to travel to Taiwan this summer as part of an “immersion program,” but his true motives are clear. All prior evidence suggests that Bo is planning to contact his Chinese Communist Allies in Taiwan, which is not a Communist state, so as not to raise direct suspicion. 

Finally, has anyone actually seen Bo Vaughn in the McCarthy room? Those who have studied U.S. History should know that former Senator Joseph McCarthy was notorious for his hatred of Communists. Bo is clearly avoiding the only room in the school which bears the late Senator’s surname.

With all of this in mind, the student body must move with caution through the second semester. Bo Vaughn has very conveniently landed in the second-highest position of power in the student body, Senior Class President. He has been and will continue to exploit this position to spread his Communist messages. Do not be a fool and do not be afraid. If you see Bo Vaughn in the halls, run and hide —  this communist can smell a capitalist from a quarter mile away. Any information or evidence can and will be used against Bo Vaughn to ensure that his messaging pipeline goes quiet. Stay safe out there!