DOGE Comes to Gilman

In November of 2024, Mr. Smyth announced the creation of the Department of Gilman Efficiency, or DOGE. This new department, headed by Señor Leon, is tasked with cutting down on waste and making Gilman a fiscally responsible institution. They immediately began reallocating Gilman’s budget.

Soon after the new department was founded, they announced that sweeping changes would be made to Gilman. Firstly, the music and art department will be cut to reduce costs and inefficiencies. In addition, the Snack Cart is to be eliminated as it is inherently not merit-based and gives out free aid to all students. 

Furthermore, the schedule will be reorganized to ensure that teachers are teaching a class for a minimum of 10 hours every day for maximal efficiency. Replacing the Woodshop elective will be the new non-elective Sweatshop, which will finally allow students to directly contribute to the school’s profits. “The students will finally help to produce the clothes that they buy every day from the School Store,” commented Señor.  As another stream of revenue, Deans have begun collecting students' phones and utilizing them to mine Bitcoin during the school day. Henceforth, the school will no longer be referred to as Gilman but just Gil in order to further save time and money with branding. 

According to a recent statement from the Department of Gilman Efficiency, “DOGE is determined to help improve the fiscal responsibility of Gil and to instill the Gil three in every student.” The full scope of the changes DOGE plans to implement has yet to be seen, but it is clear Señor Leon and his DOGE are determined to eliminate bureaucratic waste and inefficiency.